Obit

I wish that I could say

When I die, my love

Scatter my ashes, forget about me, live your life

But I am weak and bitter

I want you to carry me

As heady heavy burden

Be crushed by grief

If I can’t destroy you with my passing

Did I ever really matter?

Do we and did we love each other,

Do I love you?

I think I do in some small way

The kind that stays as hot and throbbing need

Or cold, weighted fact

Earth loves the sun because it needs, yes

But any sun would do

Were you another I would still

But you are here so I do

When I die, my love

I want to rot next to you in bed

Putrefaction ruining what was once familiar

Filth and pain killing you as well

I want to kill you

Put my plot in the front yard

Look at it every day

As reminder that what once was

Everything routine

Everything comforting

Infuriating

Is gone

In a way we’ve ruined one another

As these things are wont to do

We are left only with the realization

Not either of us will have made a mark

Except on the jaded surface of our own normalcy

When I die, my love

Eat my ashes

Sob when you glance over at the empty spaces

Or the absence of noise from the living room

Bray anguish like a hurt animal

And die

I would for you,

My love