HumorScience Fiction

How to Configure Your Quantum Disambiguator

By Stewart C Baker
882 words · 4-minute reading time


It has come to our attention that a plurality of users has significant problems during the quantum disambiguator configuration process. These problems--many of which come from not pushing the red button located on the inside of your device--may include but are not limited to:

  • Superposed instances of identical disambiguated worlds
  • Accidental creation of evil twins
  • Dead cats which are still alive (or vice versa)
  • Sudden irrational activity which endangers the user's personal health as defined in a classical state (e.g. an avoidance of red buttons)
  • Accidental auto-decapitation and/or persistent headaches
  • Visual hallucinations which suggest pushing the red button (If you have pushed the red button, please read the document titled "So You've Accidentally Sentenced Every Sentient Being in the Known Universe to Horrible and Instantaneous Death" at your earliest convenience for instructions on how to revert sufficient to a pre-button world. If you have not pushed the red button, please do...

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About the Author

Stewart C Baker is an academic librarian, speculative fiction writer, and occasional haikuist. His fiction has appeared in Writers of the Future, Nature, Galaxy’s Edge, and Flash Fiction Online, among other places. Stewart was born in England, has lived in South Carolina, Japan, and California (in that order), and currently resides in Oregon with his family­­—although if anyone asks, he’ll usually say he’s from the Internet. You can find him at infomancy.net or on Twitter and Facebook as @stewartcbaker

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This story originally appeared in Nature Futures.