HumorScience Fiction

Concerning your Recent Creation of Sentient Horse-things on the Next Planet Over

By Stewart C Baker
1,098 words · 4-minute reading time

Dear Dr. Higglebottem,

The board has received troubling reports from a group of hyper-dolphins about your recent activities on Tau Ceti f.

These reports claim:

  1. that you have created sentient horse-things
  2. that said horse-things have created a society wherein success is measured by the amount of hay stockpiled and consumed
  3. that said horse-things have razed forests, drained swamps, re-routed rivers, and otherwise wrecked the planet's eco-system in order to grow as much hay as possible
  4. that said horse-things have, additionally, instilled a species of small dog-things with high intelligence but no free will (in direct disregard of the Academy's charter, which flatly disallows the creation of intelligent beings for the sole purpose of servitude)
  5. that said dog-things have begun work on interstellar travel for said horse-things

We would like to remind you that all upliftings need to be cleared for safety and sociability before any work can begin. (Remember Dr. White's planet-eating...

Log in to read the rest of this story. Stories are free to read, but we'll save your payment info so you can easily tip authors when you find a story you love.

About the Author

Stewart C Baker is an academic librarian, speculative fiction writer, and occasional haikuist. His fiction has appeared in Writers of the Future, Nature, Galaxy’s Edge, and Flash Fiction Online, among other places. Stewart was born in England, has lived in South Carolina, Japan, and California (in that order), and currently resides in Oregon with his family­­—although if anyone asks, he’ll usually say he’s from the Internet. You can find him at or on Twitter and Facebook as @stewartcbaker

See all stories by Stewart C Baker →