HumorScience Fiction

Just Another Night at the Abandoned Draft Bar and Grill

By Stewart C Baker
1,648 words · 6-minute reading time

This was, by Alexandra's count, the sixty-seventh time she had been tortured, murdered, hacked to pieces, and shoved into Jim's refrigerator for him to find when he got home from his overseas deployment, and she was really starting to get annoyed.

"It's like this jackass of a would-be author doesn't even know what women are," she snarled, jabbing the ice cubes in her drink until they broke down into slush. "Like he thinks we're just some kind of . . . of . . ."

Wong the Inscrutable and François—her companions as always on nights like this—avoided her eyes as she looked around for the right phrase. François (AKA African Henchman #1) was fiddling with the inside of the boxy contraption he always had with him. He'd come from a Francophone sci-fi serial before being co-opted by their current author, Alex knew, had been a genius engineer on some kind of super-massive spaceship. Wong (who Alex thought was probably original, since he was so underdeveloped he wasn't even fully corporeal)...

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About the Author

Stewart C Baker is an academic librarian, speculative fiction writer, and occasional haikuist. His fiction has appeared in Writers of the Future, Nature, Galaxy’s Edge, and Flash Fiction Online, among other places. Stewart was born in England, has lived in South Carolina, Japan, and California (in that order), and currently resides in Oregon with his family­­—although if anyone asks, he’ll usually say he’s from the Internet. You can find him at or on Twitter and Facebook as @stewartcbaker

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